Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning (Psalm 30:5)
I cried myself to sleep last night. It was a hard day. I watched and was a participant in two very different scenario. The first one was watching my mom walk into her 2 week post op appointment and hear all the nurses say how impressed they were since most come to this appointment in a wheel chair! That was exciting and encouraging. She is very determined to get through this latest trial. As the home health nurse said yesterday, “Generally I worry about patients not getting enough exercise. With you I worry about you doing too much.”
Two hours later were packing up dad, getting him into the van and moving him into Tabitha, the long-term care facility. He seemed sad and yet his humor was still coming out at times with the nursing staff. There is nothing harder to do than to look into his eyes and see a man who knows that this may be his final chapter. Mom has said that she has seen the toll these past 2 weeks have taken on dad and does not think that he will be around much longer. I have heard these words spoken before and dad is still here – God is not finished with him yet!
For me it was hard because when he went to the nursing home after he broke his hip for rehab, I knew there was a chance that he would come home again. There was hope. This time, outside a miracle, there does not seem to be hope that he will be able to come home again. This breaks my heart. He would like nothing better than to be at home when he dies.
But our citizenship is in heaven and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who wi ll transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. (Philippians 3:20-21)
The only one who can change my dad’s body from this frail weak and broken body to a glorious one is Jesus. My dad also needs a heart change. My dad had a conversation with a friend before leaving Minnesota. From what I have heard and read about that conversation, dad seems to be earnestly seeking and looking for that heart change. My dad seemed to connect with my friend on a deeper level than he has with anyone from my family. My friend is in Minnesota and my dad is now in Nebraska. From a human perspective, it seems like there is not a way for them to continue to talk on a regular basis – but God is bigger than the 450 miles that separates them physically. Pray for this connection – that they can continue to converse over the phone and talk of the deep things of God.
I am struggling with this decision of putting my dad into the long care facility. It seems like the right decision and everyone keeps telling me it is the right place for him now, but my heart is not at peace – at least not yet. I know that I could keep him long-term with my family at my house – it would need some major renovations, but while he was there for that week, he did improve and I saw more determination in him that I have in months. He did like it there, but was it only because he was with Family? Would he still like it as much if we had to put him in a long-term care facility in Minnesota? So many questions. Not enough strength to really think through them all.
My dad was a bit fuzzy this morning when I went to see him. His mind was not as functional as it was in Minnesota – but then he has been through many changes in 2 weeks. I was not able to talk much with him.