Gary's tool box of 31 years finally had to be replaced. There is a great story behind this gift - ask Geoffrey to tell it to you!

SInce he was looking for something to read earlier this month! Hopefully this will keep him busy for a few days!

Another reader - Giovanna has recently took off reading! She also got a couple of chapter books! Happy Reading!

Courtney's first aid kit for France. Hopefully she won't need this one, but just in case!

Then there were the presents that were too big to wrap:

The BIG box. . . .

containing the new mattresses. . . .

which were a huge hit. They each had a really good nights sleep!

Courtney spent most of the afternoon laughing. . .

and smiling.

A

All in all, it was a great day.  We are blessed beyond measure and thankful to be together as a family.

MERRY CHRISTMAS from the Ayers Family.

She can’t wait.

She is excited. . . .

and nervous!

It will be hard.. . .

and it will be good.

It is a gift from the hand of God.

Saying Good bye is not easy for this child.  So to make it somewhat easier, we had a party.  Fifty + of her friends gathered for Fun, Fellowship and food and for four hours Courtney got to just hang with her friends.  She had just finished her first (and hardest) final and was ready for some down time.  The evening was filled with laughter and tears, singing and prayers for this Sweet young lady.

Here are some pictures of the night:

Coming into the party!

Worship lead by friends!

Courtney loves to Worship her Lord and Savior!

Prayer times by friends to send her off well!

She has surrounded herself with godly friends who love her!

A little juggling to end the evening!

Courtney, you have prepared for this semester and you are ready.  You will be protected by the one who loves and cares for you more than your father and I do.  He has planned this semester to be part of your life at this time since before time began.  You are in the palm of His mighty hand and He will be guiding you as you walk through this next semester. When you come  back at the end of the semester, you will be a different young woman than the one leaving on New Year’s day!  Go with God and bring Him glory and honor in all that you do.  Live life to the full as you immerse yourself in a new culture!

I love you and will miss you!

(Photo credits go to Elise and Garrett – Thank you for capturing the night well)

He also asked for a special cake – an iPad cake.   So I went to work this afternoon and created this;

Geoffrey's iPad Cake!

He and his friends had Nerf gun wars and played board games.  He had a fantastic time.

It is hard to believe that he is leaving his childhood behind and entering into young man hood.  The time has flown by.  What a blessing he has been over the past 13 years.  For those of you who don’t know, we had a bit of a rocky start with him.  For starters, we were told that he would be a girl, twice via ultra sound while I was pregnant.  He is very much all boy!  To top it off, during delivery, he got stuck and neither the doctor or my husband would believe me.  Needless to say, he eventually  made his way out and we have enjoyed him ever since!

He has developed an interest in programing computers and spends as much time as he can programming.  He has taught himself several programming languages and I rarely understand what he is talking about when it comes to computer stuff.  Home schooling him has been a challenge the past few years!

Happy Birthday my dear son – May the Lord continue to bless you as you grow into manhood.  May you always remember to keep Him first in your life and may you seek Him with your whole heart!

Geoffrey has always been happy!

He has a great imagination and has "conquered" the wilderness of our backyard!

Happy 13th Birthday my dear son!

. . .A journey

. . .A process

. . . Hard

. . .One of the hardest things I have done

. . .Humbling

. . . Life changing

Today marks 8 months since my dad slipped from this life into the next. Eight of the longest months in my relatively short life. Many have asked how I am doing at this point – wow that is a hard question to answer. One that does not lend itself to a short concise answer.  But it is encouraging to know that there are people who care about this journey that I am on and are praying for me.  Most days, I am thankful to put my head on my pillow and close my eyes, hoping that “tomorrow” will be better.  It is generally more of the same.

Grief runs deep and permeates every aspect of life.  I cannot escape it even though I have tried.  Sadness still washes over me, but it is not the torrents that were rolling over me in the beginning.  Each day I have to continue to put one foot in front of the other as I continue on this journey – one that I still don’t know much about.  There are days when I am very productive and accomplish much, but those days are few and far between.  Most days I just muddle through, hoping to make it from sunrise to sunset without too many major meltdowns.  There are times when God feels so distant and yet he manages to comfort me – a profound mystery.

Grief has changed me in ways I didn’t expect.  Grieving is a lot like going through a refiners fire (I Peter 1:7).  I am becoming more tolerant and patient (but still have a very long way to travel on these).  This is especially good when dealing with my youngest child who is struggling and does not have the words to express her emotions and struggles.  Relationships have become more important than tasks and things.  I have come to see the brevity of life and once gone, it can’t be retrieved.  I don’t have any regrets with my dad.  The last week I was able to spend with him was precious and I said all that I wanted to say.  I want to live in such a way that people and relationships are valued and a priority.  Not as easy as it sounds in this fast paced life we live in America.

Grief is also humbling.  There are times when the grief overwhelms me in the most unlikely places – like the grocery store and for no apparent reason.  Or I can be driving my son to Basketball and something is said or a song is played on the radio, and I am reminded of my dad and the flood gates open.  For a type A person who likes to be in control, this is un-nerving, but I have come to see it as part of the process.

Probably the thing that took me by surprise was how grief has affected me physically!  I knew from my counseling classes in grad school that grief can be hard on the body, but experiencing grief is a totally different story.  The emotional stress put my body into shock and it took me a few months to figure out what was going on.  While I continued to run and train which is a good way for me to process, the body was being depleted of certain things and it began to show up in physically in my body in various ways.  I am now taking some time to focus on nutrition and exercise – slowing my training and racing schedule down to give my body time to recover.  It seems to be working and my body is recovering – but again it is a slow process.

This next month will be really hard as I go through the first Christmas, New Year’s and my birthday without my dad.  All holidays that he LOVED!  Part of the reason I love the Advent and Christmas season as much as I do, is in part due to my dad’s love of the holiday.  He loved the festiveness of the season.  As a child, I did  most of the holiday baking with my dad.  He was an excellent baker. I learned a lot from just being around him, especially that recipes are optional!

As hard as this process has been, I am thankful for it.  I am being changed as I continue walking through it.

It will be a hard 8 weeks as I continue to see the “holes” left since my father’s passing, but I am thankful for the memories that I have of a life lived well.

Today I ran my first marathon with a group in lieu of solo!

Today’s race was not about running to a personal best, but was about getting 9 very special ladies from the start line to the finish line of their first marathon.  It was one of the most exciting marathons as I got to experience it through their eyes.

These ladies have worked hard through the summer, running over 400 miles in preparation for today’s race.  They ran through the hot humid days of summer and they ran through the wet cold days of early fall.

Today we arrived at the Metro dome about 5:45 AM.  It was almost 2 + hours prior to the start.  So what do 12 ladies (9 novice runners and 3 coaches) do with all that time.  We had some fun!

Questions and Answer Shirts!

During our training, we would drive to some of the starting points.  When ever asked “how far do we still have to go?” or “are we there yet”, I would always answer “2 hours”.  It became a running joke within the group!  So when Maria came with “Are we there yet?” on her shirt, it was only natural to put the appropriate response on my shirt!

We had a couple of goals at the start of the race – to stay together until Mile 13 and check in to see how folks were doing; Stay together until mile 20 and then see where everyone was at.

Mile 8 and looking Good!

At Mile 13, we sent one of the runners off.  She was doing well and capable of getting a faster time than the pace we had planned for the race.  Some of the ladies did break off the main group at various points during the race.  The weather did get warm towards the end of the race.  The heat did take a toll on some of the runners.  And then there were the hills.  Hills + heat+ 26.2 miles = some very tired runners!

But all of those who started finished the race!

Ladies, I am so proud of you!  You stayed the course, you ran well and finished strong.  You have accomplished your goal and finished the race!  You have done what many will never do.  Thank you for letting me be a part of the journey!  Wear your finishers shirt with pride!  You have earned it!

Now rest and let your body recover.  Job well done!  All of you will hold a special place in my heart!  You are an inspiration to me.  This race was one of the most fun races I have run and it is all because of you ladies!

The Lovely Ladies at the Metro dome!

Tuesday was the first day of school for those that are attending the University of Minnesota!  T’was a rough start on the year!  It would have been nice to be able to rewind and try again in some ways.

The day, at least from my perspective, was going just fine until about 3:30 when my phone rang and I had a call from my son who said, “I can’t find the car.”  Now in my mind I knew where the car was parked and am thinking the parking lot at church is not that big, so I am not sure why he can’t locate the car.  I ask him where he is and his response sheds much light on the situation.  He is at the Park and Ride on 28th Avenue, but the car is parked at our church at 13th and 7th!  Wrong lot, wrong location and a slight problem.

The problem is that he needs to be at work by 5 PM.  It is 3:30 and he does not have enough time to ride the light rail back downtown, locate the car and drive back to the south metro.  I don’t have a vehicle – car is downtown and the van is at the High School since number 3 child is at Cross Country Practice.

Solution – I hop on my bike and ride across town, pick up the van and drive to the light rail station.  Number 2 child is a bit skeptical that I can ride fast enough and get him to work on time.  The challenge is out and I pick it up.

For anyone familiar with where we live, there are some REALLY BIG Hills between our house and the high school.  I know that I can run to within a mile of the high school in 30 minutes or less (I did it on Tuesday morning in just over 28 minutes), so riding my bike should put me there in no  more than 25 minutes.  I make it to the school in just over 20 minutes and am in the van headed to pick up son #1.

Son #2 has a cell phone and I left a message for him so he would know that I took the van.  However his cell phone is in the van!  He will be in for a major shock when he finishes cross-country practice!  Just as I am getting close to the light rail station, my phone rings again and I hear my son say, “I think I am in trouble.  The van is gone.”  He has a lengthy explanation and it is all I can do to keep from laughing a bit.  Once he finishes his explanation, I tell him I have the van.  I have never heard such relief in a voice as I did from my son.  I quickly explain what happened and the action plan.

Once I get son #1 dropped off at work and #2 son home from cross-country practice, it is time to meet my daughter with the keys to the car so that she can drive it home.  She is expecting that I will be rather upset.  I found the whole thing rather comical – it shows the character traits of my kids so clearly – their strengths, their shortcomings, etc.

However with all the extra driving that I wasn’t planning on – dinner was not on the table until 8:30 – and I fell into bed shortly thereafter, exhausted but still smiling about the mix up of the day!

Hoping Wednesday goes better!

However life being what it is, I have had to come down off of the mountain and re-enter life in the valley.

Upon my return from Europe, I was greeted by a mountain of laundry, an empty freezer an overstuffed fridge and a heavy heart as I missed those I had gotten to know over the 2.5 weeks I spent there.  I have not figured out a good way to  process trips and re-enter into life at the same time.  Life continued on in the valley while I was away experiencing God in a fresh way on the mountain.

So as I entered into my first week back, I did the routine things that needed to be done.  Things like washing and folding the mountain of laundry that was waiting for me, cleaned out the fridge, (oh the nasty things I found!), and trying to process what God was doing during my time on the mountain top!  I loved being in Europe, which says a lot since I am an Asian girl at heart!  My runs in the mountains of Europe were amazing and I was blessed with some great company!  I saw God do some amazing things and felt His presence in a way that I rarely do in the valley.

Which makes me think about life in the valley. Why God seems to be bigger on the mountain top than in the Valley?  Is it because I am physically closer to him on a mountain top?  I don’t think so.  I think it has more to do with the fact that I am away from the routines of life and can see things differently, and possibly more clearly!

But reentry has been hard!

No one seems to understand my sadness.

No one seems to understand that I really don’t want to be in the valley – at least not right now.

No one seems to understand that I saw God do things that were amazing and want to see more of that here in the valley and am struggling with how to make that happen.

Life in the valley continues.  I continue to process life – both on the mountain and in the valley.  I yearn for more of life in the  mountains, but know that for now, life is the valley is what is best.  I seek to be content, but my heart is not quickly making the adjustment.

I am thankful that life is not a snapshot or static.  God will give me peace and contentment over time, but for now, I am struggling with life in the valley.

Grief is a powerful emotion and it controls the brain in ways that are hard to understand until you walk through them.

I have stated numerous times over the past several months that my brain is just not functioning correctly.  I can’t remember things.  I can’t keep dates and appointments straight.  In general, my brain is just not firing on all of its normal cylinders and I feel out of sorts.

Here are some examples of what I have been experiencing over the past few months;

*I have always gone to the grocery story without a list – sometimes a L O N G list and have remembered most things on the list, and most of the time, all the things on the list.  Now I can’t go to the store without a list – even if it is for 2 or 3 things because I will forget at least one of the items on the list!

*My brain has felt “tired” and overworked. Each day I feel as if I have been doing hard math problems all day long!  Some days I don’t even want to start the day because my brain wakes up exhausted.  I wonder what it has been doing all night long!

*I also feel stretched to the limit with even the most mundane and routine tasks. Things that I never had to really think about, are now just  much harder and I need to think about each step involved to get the task done!

But the most interesting thing I have noticed is how grief has affected my running  I was not able to complete some of my training runs prior to the 2 marathons I ran earlier this summer.  Running a marathon is really as much mental as it is  physical and during the Fargo marathon, I hit a mental wall and fell apart for about 8 miles.  I was able to recover, but those 8 miles really impacted the race and my ability to even get one foot in front of the other!  After the 2 marathons, it was not easy to get out and run.  Sometimes the only way I could get out to run was knowing that I was part of a group training run!  Those ladies are a joy to be around and encouraged me to keep going, whether they knew it or not. After a really hard race on the 4th of July, I really began to wonder if I would ever run well again.

Then something just seemed to change – I can’t explain it and I can’t tell you what it was, but I went out for a 13 mile run on the 24th and it felt amazing.  I hit my stride and had some speed for the first time in 4 months.  As I was running with the ladies from my running group, I commented that it was the best I had felt since my father passed away.  I began to feel like I was  turning a corner or at least the first of many corners that I will face in the grieving process.  It felt good.

It still feels good.  I am beginning to get my brain function back!  I can now go tot he store without a list – at least if there are 5 items or less on the list!  It has been good to feel like I am returning to “normal” – what ever that will look like.  I am still dealing with a few emotions related to the grieving process, but feel like I am beginning to move – forward –  slowly – one step at a time!

A lovely table set out for the guests to partake of.

Good conversations with friends who have been part of our lives! Shoes were optional on this wet afternoon in May!

He did receive his diploma and have a blessing spoken over him!

The sun did make an appearance - but it was a short appearance!

Basketball was played in the rain and after the rain! Couldn't have a party without a pickup game!

Congrats my dear son!

Congratulations my dear son.  You have worked hard and conquered the rigors of High School.  You are now leaving the days of your youth behind and heading forward on the path that the Lord has laid out for you before you were born.  Thank you for the joy you have brought into my life.  Go forward in the strength of the Lord.

All dressed up and ready to celebrate!

Since it has been a rather wet spring and summer, it was not surprising to see rain in the forecast for the afternoon and evening.  So the party was moved from the back yard to the front room!  It was a bit cozy!

Reservations for 24!

They ate Together!

The chatter during dinner time was constant.  They really enjoyed the time to catch up and talk to each other.  It was amazing how much they had to say!

After dinner came Photos!

Brother - Sister Birthday Buddies!

The "Formal" Picture!

OK - Everyone get close!

The Girls!

The Boys!

Then off to play ultimate.  No party is complete without a game or two!

Time for Ultimate!

Epic Sunset!

Ice Cream Cake - A wonderful snack after running in the Humidity!

Sharing from the Word and praying together!

It was a fun evening.  Happy Birthday to my oldest 2 – So thankful to the LORD for giving you both to me!  May you continue to serve Him and Glorify Him in all you do.